Enjoy Some Bongo

TABASAMU - MR BLUE FT STEVE

I have finally found a place to listen to one of my favorite songs from Tz... Tabasamu by Mr. Blue and Steve.
It is nice to hear these little types of reminders that I can still be connected. I can tell that I miss being there... I often find myself on edge and incapable of thinking clearly. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I am trying to figure out who I am here and at the same time trying to remain true to who I was in Tz. I just feel a little lost at times. There is a inner conflict. I feel so at home in Tz and now here things don't feel quite right. More will follow, in the meantime enjoy some Bongo flavor.

Time Goes On Whether You Ask It To Or Not.

As I sit here alone in the living room of my rented house in Waverly I finally have an opportunity to just sit and think for awhile. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized that we are home.
Over the past few days, I have noticed that there is definitely a difference in me. I am not the exact same person I was when I left. I have grown and matured. At times I feel like I don't fit in here anymore. There are certainly people who understand the change in me and there are other people who either understand the change in me or turn a blind eye to it.
For several days I avoided unpacking and unloading the boxes I had packed my room into. It just didn't seem right to move back into a place where I knew things would be different and where I could risk falling back into old distractions. As I unpacked boxes and my luggage and, as my room started to look like it did before I left, I began to realize that I have really left Tanzania - I haven't just gone on a mini vacation or something like that. Then, to add insult to injury, the song 'Beautiful Disaster' by Jon Mclaughlin came on my computer. With lyrics like, "She hates the sound that goodbyes make" and "Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster" it was a painful reminder that I have come back.
While I unpacked my clothes, I noticed that I have a bunch of clothing that I never wear. I was disappointed in myself and decided that while I unpacked clothes I would also sort out some that I can give away - there are other people who I am sure would enjoy them and wear them more than me.
Then, when I went to Target to pick up a few things, I was walking around the grocery section and was in complete shock. After three months of shopping at Pira's Cash and Carry, a grocery store about the size of my living room and kitchen at home, I had gotten used to stores that only have the items that are needed. As I walked around Target's grocery section I kept seeing so much excess (even in food choices) - there were several dozen different pastas and pasta sauces, and that was only one section of the store! I was in such shock.
As much as I like being able to understand everything that people around me are saying, it is weird and sad to not hear Swahili all the time. I miss hearing it and speaking it.
And I miss seeing the Masai walking around town in their traditional dress.
I miss our several hour church services with people who are genuinely interested in communing with God and with their neighbors.
I miss the warmth of Tanzania - both literal and figurative.
I am already sick... I woke up this morning with a head cold already. My throat is raw and my sinuses are going crazy in this weather.
I have already heard from Bariki since I've been back, which made me smile - it is nice to think that I will be able to keep in touch with people.
I will be interested to see what the coming days and weeks will bring. Stay tuned for the rest of my journey back into American culture.
Peace.

The Big Day.

Today is the day. We leave Tanzania. I have been alright for the most part, which is surprising... I think I am starting to take the mindset that goodbyes are a part of life. I have come to realize that the cliche is quite true and there really are people who will come into your life and touch your heart and impact who you are and some will stay for a lifetime while others will leave after a short time - you just have to be thankful for their presence.
As much as I hate the false hope that it gives, Jimmy's saying keeps running through my head, 'Mountains will never meet but people will meet again.'
I suppose the tough thing for me now will be to find out how I can carry who I am and what I've learned here with me. It will be difficult to transition back to living in the States without falling back into the old habits and culture that has pulled me away from my dreams lately. But that is all a part of the learning process and it is the next stage of learning from this experience.
As Natalie and I said before she left, we are just moving on to the next stage of life. I am comforted by the ease with which I can communicate with people from here and the fact that I know I will return some day soon.
Peace out Tanzania... I will see you again soon. US, get ready... I'm coming back!

All Good Things Will Come Full Circle.

Today was our final full day here. The day was a perfect culmination of our trip - we spent most of the day in a church service for the Morogoro Diocese's annual seminar. It was the trip coming full circle - we saw all sorts of different people who we had met throughout our three months here and some new people as well. By the end of our church service I had somehow acquired a small child. As I walked through the receiving/exit line with this little boy on my hip, I said goodbye to a lot of the people we had met (I also was given a hard time by a lot of them, asking if it was my child). I had prepared for the service to be a very difficult thing, since it was the very last and it was with so many people we had come to know. But I was quite wrong, the service was a blast... I got to spend time playing with some kids and talking with a young Maasai girl. It was the perfect way to bring the trip to a close.
I have noticed that I have spent time today making myself numb to the thought of leaving. Today has definitely had its ups and downs. This morning I got a message from Natalie and it made me break into tears but a few minutes later I was fine again. I was doing very well for most of the day until after super all of a sudden I got really mellow again. It doesn't help to think that we have about 30 hours of traveling ahead of us before we actually reach home.
It is very interesting to look at how people from here say goodbye. Perhaps a large part of it is due to the nature of this school and the fact that people are always coming and going. But I have even noticed it in people who have no real connection to the school. Goodbyes aren't things people get choked up over. Goodbyes just seem to be a fact of life - people perform them very matter of factly. We are always asked if we will return, to which I almost always answer 'yes' and then the follow up is 'when?'
I suppose if I follow my own title to this post, things will come full circle and my life will follow the pattern as well. As we prepare to leave, I ask for prayers of protection. I am starting to get excited to see people back home but the prospect of leaving people and the culture that I have fallen in love with here is too near for me to allow that excitement to take hold.
Peace.

Lessons Learned and Lessons Still Learning.

As I begin to prepare to return to the States I find myself reflecting on a lot of the things I have learned here…

- People have a great capacity for love and compassion if you just give them the opportunity to show it - courtesy of various prison visits and visits with people whose situations could be considered very troubling.
- I have learned how to tie child to my back with a Kanga – courtesy of countless women throughout our time here.
- You can fit a surprising number of people and their packages into a mini-van sized vehicle – courtesy of many daladala rides crammed with easily over 25 people.
- Cars are not an absolutely necessary means of transportation – courtesy of a country where the majority of people walk or ride bikes to get to their destination, even if it is several miles away.
- Rain is a genuine blessing for which we should praise God – courtesy of a country where the primary source of income is derived from agricultural ventures so rain is seen as a great blessing.
- Power outages don’t mean that there is nothing to do, rather they signify a time to spend with friends and loved ones without distractions – courtesy of Anna, Flo, and Natalie and our power outage sing-along and hours of sitting in the company of friends.
- People and relationships take primary importance. Money and things can come and go but well nurtured relationships with people can last a lifetime – courtesy of a country where people are valued over possessions.
- Patience is really a virtue – courtesy of a slow internet connection.
- Allowing people to disrupt what you are doing is a blessing and it allows friendships to blossom – courtesy of hours spent trying to study/work in the common room only to find myself interrupted by teachers or new friends who want to talk or ask a favor.
- Simplicity, understanding, love, peace, and compassion – courtesy of this beautiful country.
- Life is what you make it – courtesy of many conversations with Bariki about the differences between life here and in the States.
- A smile can travel across miles and can cross any language barrier – courtesy of hundreds of little kids who have opened up to me, despite language barriers, through smiles.
- Blonde is beautiful and unique – courtesy of all the kids who have snuck a touch of my hair because it looked so nice and soft.
- The hippie generation had it right (before the drug explosion) ... love for all people, peace, and hope are concepts that are universal and could bring the world together – courtesy of this beautiful country and these amazing people.
- The US can make a decision that will make the world community stand up and cheer for us – courtesy of Barack Obama’s election and people here from all over the world who are happy for us and pleased with our decision.
- Conditioner leaves a beautiful, lasting smell in your hair that is often taken for granted – courtesy of a recent shower with my first use of conditioner in three months.
- Long hair definitely holds the heat in and warms your head quite quickly – courtesy of countless days spent in the beating sun with my head starting to sweat.
- I’ve learned how to hand wash just about everything article of clothing I own – courtesy of three months worth of washing jeans, shorts, t-shirts, a zip-up hoodie, etc.
- Solidarity and genuine conversation with people is the only way you can learn about their lives – courtesy of hours spent talking to people from all walks of life.

Clearly some things have a greater impact than others. And there are many things that I have only started to earn that I will continue to realize and learn once I return. This trip has taught me so much already and I know I will never forget this experience and it will always be a large part of who I am.
Peace.


**** As the days wind down, I ask that if there are any remaining questions you have that you would like me to address, please, please, please leave a comment and I will address them in an upcoming post.

People Will Always Be People.

I was sitting outside today when a girl from the secondary school was walking around – I greeted her with ‘Mambo’ (kind of like ‘what’s up?’) and she came over and we got to talking. She had been out looking for roses to flatten and dry. Her name was Elizabeth and she 19 years old. She has two old brothers and two older sisters. We talked about all sorts of different things – primarily comparing and contrasting things from here to things in the States. It was interesting to hear how people think of the States here. Elizabeth told me that one of her friends, Nancy went to university in the States. She said that in Tanzania if you get the opportunity to leave and go study in the States, you take the opportunity. We talked about life here in Tanzania. She told me that things are so difficult here in comparison to life in the States. It was really interesting to hear her interpretation of life in the States and hear how she explained life here. I didn’t expect to hear people talk about how difficult life is – I guess I anticipated hearing that life is life and you get what you get. And that sort of what she said. She told me that life is so difficult here and education is very important and very difficult too. She explained to me that education in government-run schools is much worse than that in privately-run schools – and to top it off, LJS is one of the top schools. Right now there is a two day national holiday – today is Id al Had and tomorrow is the national independence day – so the students get two days of a break then they will have one day of studying and then the next day is examination day before they all go home for Christmas.
We got on the topic of religion and she explained that she feels like people in the States worship with their soul but people here just worship to go through the actions. It was really interesting because I feel like in the States people just go through the actions and people here genuinely put their heart and soul into it. But then again, her image of American worship comes from televised evangelical worship services, so that probably makes a big difference in her opinion. Then her friends came and told her she had a task to do over in the secondary school.
Our conversation cemented in my mind that people are people no matter where you go. Cultural differences will occur but generally, people are the same across the world.
I can’t explain how nice it was to have someone just to talk to who is a woman and who is around my age. I have gotten so used to sitting in the background to the boys. I have noticed that (in the villages especially) it is a lot easier for them to relate to the men who are a lot more outspoken than it tends to be for me to relate to the women who are usually busy cooking or off taking care of the children. I have come to fully understand that life here is very much gender-based. Earlier in the trip it was explained to me better than I can put into words… “Although there were female teachers at my school, most were also mothers and wives. The fact was, I was very much an anomaly – independent young female, no children, no family there, college-educated, and yet in a ‘man’s world.’” I have developed a friendship with the male teachers here (though it has taken almost three months) but I definitely noticed that the boys had an easier time developing friendships with the boys. But even that makes sense with my ‘people are people’ realization – it is human nature to stick to people that you have things in common with. Back in the States, men and women tend to have more in common at my age so it is easier to integrate. Here it is just that there is a little less in common.
I have learned a lot so far in the past three months and I plan on that not changing in the next week. I want to make the most of my last week here and I want to keep learning and keep experiencing.
Peace.

Picha kutoka Zanzibar (Pictures from Z'bar)

The tide had gone out which exposed a great deal more of the beach.

The view out of my room on the beach.

Me with my crown and purse/basket from the tour.

Steve with his spice tour cap and tie.Peter striking the 'college president pose' with his cap and tie from the tour.

Never knew nutmeg looked so trippy.

Paintings off all different types covered the walls of shops throughout the tourist areas of the island.

The altar was placed right behind the old location of the whipping post (the circle in the marble).

What a beautiful statement... it was outside the doors of the Anglican church - the location of the old slave trade.

The Anglican Church - built over the location of the old slave trade.

Memorial to the slaves - the chain used is an original chain.

The view from the knife painter's apartment - the large white building was the Sultan's palace before he was overthrown.

Beautiful old buildings every where you look.

Welcome to Z'bar!

Tim with his spice tour cap and tie.

Walking down the narrow streets to the hotel.

Getting off the boat in Z'bar.

The first sighting of Z'bar.

Peter having some fun on the drive to Dar.

Walking on the beach.

It is difficult to express our four day journey to Zanzibar in a 'short' blog - I have about four written pages worth of memories in my notebook but I doubt that you would like to read that much here. So I will try to summarize as much as I can.

We left LJS around 9am on Monday and drove to Dar. Once we got to Dar we rushed about four blocks to the harbor. Our boat left Dar around 1 and we started by sitting in the VIP lounge... well it was really more like an area in the front of the boat with a bunch of comfy chairs. But shortly after the boat left, we realized that we had sat down in a sauna. After about an hour, Luka looked over at me and asked me if I wanted to go outside. We went and a short while later PH came out looking for us since everyone else wanted to leave the sauna too. Then we all grabbed our bags and went out to stand on the deck. Well we got to Z'bar safely and made our way down the narrow streets to the appropriately named hotel that we would be staying at - The Narrow Street Hotel. After that we met up with a Norwegian missionary/pastor who works with his wife to foster Muslim-Christian dialogue. They run an NGO called Upendo Shop. It is a place where Muslim and Christian women work together to learn sewing and other things. It is a beautiful venture and it seems like it has had its successes. We also met up with the knife painter who showed us around town and showed us his paintings of Zanzibar doors in a nearby shop and then he took us to his apartament which overlooked the old Sultan's palace (before he was overthrown) and the harbor. After that we went out to dinner and walked around like all the other wazungu (white tourists). Then we wandered around for a bit looking at shops and finally got lost in all the winding narrow streets on our way back to our hotel. [END DAY 1]
We woke up Tuesday and had breakfast at our hotel then we wandered around a bit and headed off for our spice tour. It was really neat since none of us really knew where or how spices grew (we thought most of them grew on bushes rather than trees). We went to a privately owned plantation (since they are more natural - like a forest - than the farms that are government owned) - our tour guide took us around and, despite the rain, we got to see a bunch of different spices (like nutmeg, cloves, vanilla, cinammon, etc). After the tour we were presented with hats and ties for the boys and a purse/basket for me - which I added to the bracelet and rings that I had already recieved. We then got a feast of fruits - jack fruit, papaya, pineapple, mango, etc. Then we went off to a local eatery for some spiced rice and our first taste of Zanzibar fish. Needless to say, we were stuffed. Then we were swept away to head off to the kisiwa (beach). We got to the beach Tuesday afternoon and it was raining off and on. We ordered supper at the hotel and started to go out and enjoy the beach. We ate the rest of our meals in a hut at the hotel on the beach - I had fish for every meal but breakfast. The fish was amazing - freshly caught according to what we ordered. We met a group of about 4 Masai warriors on the beach who turned out to be from the morogoro area and knew PH. It was a nice comfort to see the Masai since they have started to feel like family to us. [END DAY 2]
Wednesday we woke up and it was still raining on and off. We spent the morning walking around the beach and the boys and I went wading around for awhile. After lunch, it was still overcast but the boyys and Luka headed off to snorkel while PH and I stayed back. PH and i spent quite some time walking down the beach, collecting shells, and just talking about all sorts of different things. We relaxed around for the rest of the day and ran into out Masai friends again, who came up and talked with PH for awhile. I was given a bracelet by one of them with whom PH then started to joke about making a marriage offer for me (I should add, he wasn't bad looking - then again, not many Masai seem to be). [END DAY 3]
Thursday we woke up and it was a beautiful day - go figure. We ate breakfast together and then we packed up and started the trip back home. [END DAY 4]

It is tough to summarize the trip - I guess the easiest way to explain it is to say that we spent a lot of time relaxing. At the beginning of the trip, I was very frustrated by everyone always assuming that we knew no Swahili but it is a tourist spot so what shoul I expect? I suppose my constant frustration and disgust throughout the trip was the ignorant tourist. Zanzibar is a island that has about a 95% Muslim population yet people were wearing clothing that clearly would be seen as disrespectful and revealing to a Muslim. We were walking through Stone Town on our first night and saw a group of girls wearing micro-mini skirts and low-cut tank tops - I was ashamed of my gender. It is one thing to wear little clothing on a beach but it is another to wear it through the town where most people are covering the majority of their bodies due to religious beliefs. It made me really realize the importance of intelligent and informed tourism because clearly these people didn't know much (if anything) about Zanzibar and it's culture.
Peace.

Getting Mentally Ready To Move Onto The Next Stage...

Today was a little rough for me... this morning I said goodbye to Natalie and Florian. I can't express how grateful I am that they have been here for the past five weeks - they have been like family to me. Evenings here at LJS simply won't be the same without them. I wish them both the best of luck. As I was saying goodbye to Natalie, we talked about how it is just that we are moving onto the next stage. I think that is truly an appropriate explanation of what is going on right now.
I feel like I am in an awkward transition right now - I have two weeks left in this place that has completely stolen my heart but I also have people back in the States who I am excited to see and talk to again. Tomorrow we head off to Zanzibar until Thursday night. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about the trip. I am excited to see what Zanzibar will be like but at the same time, this would be the last week that most of the teachers will be here.
Life seems to be in limbo... I am trapped between two worlds right now. The world in which I must live to finish my education so I am able to come back here and the world in which I want to spend the rest of my life. Right now I can't imagine what things will be like back home. I think it will take me a few days to realize that I have left Tanzania and that I won't be back for a little while. I have found my motivation and my reason for doing what I want to do. I have found my love and my passion again.
Peace.


Some people without whom this amazing experience wouldn't have been the same or even be possible:

Bariki.

Moreto.

Sylvester. Possibly the best resource I have consistently used here to practice my Swahili.

Anna.

Kidege. Always smiling and loves to say "My Mungu!"

Natalie and Florian.

Ancy.

Agnus.

Jimmy (and Catuk - the Indian couple's baby).

Luka Ramadani - PH's right hand man. Church builder, evangelist, driver, husband, father, family man, etc.

Me, Natalie, and Anna.

Florian - always one to make me laugh.

Natalie and I at the Orphanage. I felt like I could talk to Natalie about nearly everything... we bonded fairly quickly and saying goodbye to her was the most difficult thing I've had to do on this trip so far.

Time is Dwindling...

As I woke up today I realized that in two weeks from today I will be en route back home. It honestly scares me to think about leaving here. People are starting to leave LJS… the long course students left about two weeks ago, Anne left last week, Natalie and Flo leave tomorrow, and Anna leaves to travel for Christmas break on this coming Friday. It is starting to feel like a lonely place and with so many people leaving, it is a reminder that we too will leave soon.
I’ve noticed that I am in a different place than the boys are concerning going back home. As the time gets closer, I don’t want to leave. I feel at home here and I feel like for once my mindset and way of living fits in with the people around me. I feel more at ease here than I ever have anywhere else. At times I feel guilty that I have ‘deserted’ the people in El Salvador, but they will always have a piece of my heart and they will always be in my prayers and in my mind.
I was talking to Bariki last night about how we have to leave soon – it has been a fairly common topic of conversation with people around here lately. Bariki started by asking me where I want to live if I don’t live in the States, I told him that I would like to live here. Then he asked if I’d want to live here for only a few years or for my whole life… I said for my whole life. We got to talking about why I like Tanzania – which I should add, is a very difficult question to answer. I explained that I feel more at home here than I do in the states because there is such a strong sense of community here and such a focus on relationships with other people. I tried to explain that in the States I don’t exactly fit in with the mentality of most people since I am a ‘hippie.’ I said how I love that people know that there might be problems but they push through them whereas in the States so often, people create problems for themselves.
I am so very appreciative of this trip because it allowed me to find my heart and the motivation I so very much needed to continue my studies and continue to work for the things that I am passionate about.
I suppose what scares me about going back to the States is that I am afraid of leaving the people here and loosing touch with these people who have helped me to grow. I am frightened that I might forget some of the things I’ve experienced here and I will get lost in the hustle and bustle of life in America. However, I am most afraid that for one reason or another I will not be able to return here and that honestly is the worst part about having to leave.
I have fallen in love with so many aspects of this place. I love the way that, despite the fact that I am clearly a foreigner, people will just talk to me and be patient with my language skills almost no matter where I am. I love how it looks when people here hold my hand. I love the idea that community is so important here. I love how people will give you all that they have – the hospitality and selflessness shown here is truly amazing. I love how people genuinely welcome us into their hearts and homes. I love how people don’t seem to create or dwell on complications in their lives as much as many people do in the States. I love the bright colors that seem to paint the country and its people. I love that I have made so many new friends here who have helped shape who I am and who I will be. I can say without the slightest doubt in my mind that I have fallen in love. I will never be the same again.
Peace.

Return to Maguha

Fundraising auction.

Some of my choir girls.

PH preaching to the choir.

Mchungaji Dunia

Wednesday we went back to a village that we had been to much earlier in the trip and whose choir we had seen at a village or two recently. It was the Massai village atop a hill. It was a village I had fallen in love with before. It was the first village where someone pointed out that I was the only girl sitting, eating, and talking with the men. It was the village where one little girl flipped her eyelid inside out and made funny faces at us, reminding us that people are people no matter where in the world you are. It was Maguha.
Our most recent village simply solidified my love for this country. When we got out of the car, we greeted people as usual – but I got a pleasant surprise when several of the girls remembered my name and greeted me by saying ‘habari Sara.’ I knew at that moment that this was going to be a good day. The village was having a fundraiser to put in windows and floor so they had invited all sorts of elders from neighboring villages. We went in to have tea and some rice flour maandazi-type minicakes. Then we went out on a walk with some of the pastors and evangelists that had come to the village as well. When we got back from our short walk, it was just about time for church. We made our way into the church. As the service went on – which was long and hot, like all the others – I was reenergized when I heard little voices next to me calling out my name. I turned and some of the girls in the choir had been calling my name. From that point on I was almost inseparable from the choir. For the remainder of the service we made faces at one another back and forth across the aisle. When the service and auction (the church raised 2 million shillings for their projects) was done I went over by them and they had several pictures taken with me. They did the usual take/look at pictures and videos, touch the skin on my arms and feel my hair and time flew by. Before I knew it, Pastor Duniani came over and asked me if I was going to leave here today and told me that it was time for lunch (at about 5:30pm). After dinner/lunch I went back over by the girls and we were right where we had left off. Soon enough PH came over to tell me that we were going. The girls asked him if I could stay there until tomorrow. My heart absolutely melted. When I got into the car we waved goodbye frantically at one another and as we pulled away, they started to chase after the car. The choir will be at the KKKT (Lutheran Church in Tanzania) year-end seminar in two weeks. As we drove away, I started to think about how the day had an impact on me.
Today the last little bit of my heart fell in love with this country. It is so extremely difficult to explain what life is like here, but I will try so please bear with me. Life is simple. It revolves around relationships with other people rather than accumulating material possessions. It can be difficult at times but you are surrounded by people who understand your struggles and with whom you have the strong relationships that are able to be support through everything. Generally, life is communal – people live for and with one another. People will give you whatever little they may have. Hospitality isn’t just a kind thing to do, it is expected. People seem to trust you until you prove them wrong. Spirituality is huge and encompasses all aspects of life – whether it is formal religion or more loosely held faiths. People here live the message of the Gospels – love your neighbors above all else. People are patient with foreign speakers and will take the time to explain things in a different way/speak at slow pace just to be sure you understand them. People are welcoming and encouraging. Time isn’t something you race against, it is just there. Material possessions exist to help you survive – not to show some status. People always seem happy to spend time with one another.
Like I said, it is quite hard to express in words what life is like here because at times, it is so very different than life in the States. But I have most definitely fallen in love. For me, this hasn’t just been three months studying in a new, neat place. This has been three months of my life that I will never forget and that have motivated me to return some day soon. My heart is here with these people now and will probably always be. After this, I will never be quite the same and for that I am eternally grateful.
Peace.