Time is Dwindling...

As I woke up today I realized that in two weeks from today I will be en route back home. It honestly scares me to think about leaving here. People are starting to leave LJS… the long course students left about two weeks ago, Anne left last week, Natalie and Flo leave tomorrow, and Anna leaves to travel for Christmas break on this coming Friday. It is starting to feel like a lonely place and with so many people leaving, it is a reminder that we too will leave soon.
I’ve noticed that I am in a different place than the boys are concerning going back home. As the time gets closer, I don’t want to leave. I feel at home here and I feel like for once my mindset and way of living fits in with the people around me. I feel more at ease here than I ever have anywhere else. At times I feel guilty that I have ‘deserted’ the people in El Salvador, but they will always have a piece of my heart and they will always be in my prayers and in my mind.
I was talking to Bariki last night about how we have to leave soon – it has been a fairly common topic of conversation with people around here lately. Bariki started by asking me where I want to live if I don’t live in the States, I told him that I would like to live here. Then he asked if I’d want to live here for only a few years or for my whole life… I said for my whole life. We got to talking about why I like Tanzania – which I should add, is a very difficult question to answer. I explained that I feel more at home here than I do in the states because there is such a strong sense of community here and such a focus on relationships with other people. I tried to explain that in the States I don’t exactly fit in with the mentality of most people since I am a ‘hippie.’ I said how I love that people know that there might be problems but they push through them whereas in the States so often, people create problems for themselves.
I am so very appreciative of this trip because it allowed me to find my heart and the motivation I so very much needed to continue my studies and continue to work for the things that I am passionate about.
I suppose what scares me about going back to the States is that I am afraid of leaving the people here and loosing touch with these people who have helped me to grow. I am frightened that I might forget some of the things I’ve experienced here and I will get lost in the hustle and bustle of life in America. However, I am most afraid that for one reason or another I will not be able to return here and that honestly is the worst part about having to leave.
I have fallen in love with so many aspects of this place. I love the way that, despite the fact that I am clearly a foreigner, people will just talk to me and be patient with my language skills almost no matter where I am. I love how it looks when people here hold my hand. I love the idea that community is so important here. I love how people will give you all that they have – the hospitality and selflessness shown here is truly amazing. I love how people genuinely welcome us into their hearts and homes. I love how people don’t seem to create or dwell on complications in their lives as much as many people do in the States. I love the bright colors that seem to paint the country and its people. I love that I have made so many new friends here who have helped shape who I am and who I will be. I can say without the slightest doubt in my mind that I have fallen in love. I will never be the same again.
Peace.