I hate October.

I suppose the title of this post really says it all. The beginning of October has always been a rough time for me (and for many of the people I love). The last day of September through the first couple days of October mark the anniversary of Luke’s passing - this year marks two years – and I know that this particular event is more difficult for others, and it hurts me to not be in contact with these people, to lean on and to help support. The beginning of the month is also the time that would be my Opa’s (my dad’s dad) birthday. Finally, the 12th of the month is the anniversary of my Opa’s passing – this year made five years. The 12th is the day that tends to be the most difficult for me. In fact, every year around the anniversary of his passing I buy one long stemmed rose for each year that he has been gone and then I spend an hour or so at his grave feeling his presence and remembering him. But this isn’t supposed to be a ‘pity party’ type of post. As much as I hate being away from home for these events (especially when they are still fairly recent), being here has taught me and given me a slightly new and stronger outlook on life and death.
Being here – and having seen a cross raising – I have learned that life is worth living, we cannot dwell on the past. Here, people will always keep driving through life, rather than living in memories. It is important to remember the past and respect it, but we can’t let it pull our lives to a halt. Unfortunately, part of life is loosing the people we love. (Take Luka and the loss of his brother, for example. He lost his older brother but he is going on in his life, continuing his work because he has to and because his brother would be pleased by the.) But instead of spending the rest of our days mourning them and stopping everything we’ve worked for, we are meant to live on with them in our hearts. We carry on and live our life in ways that would please those we’ve lost, always trying to be people that they could be genuinely proud of. (I think Rascall Flatts got it right – “My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to.”) Let them be part of your motivation and your hope. I know I do. Everyday I remember the simple little things from Luke and my Opa that indicate how they would want me to live and it is never that they want me to spend my life wishing I could have them back. I can only hope that my Opa looks down on me and is proud of the person I have become over the past five years.
Rest in Peace, all of those we have loved and lost. You will always live on in our memories and hearts. We will always try to do you proud.

Peace.

Opa, Oma, Lisa and Me when I was born.

A tradition that will never go out of style.

Luke