“Speak but a whisper, I’ll hear a sermon.” -Copeland

I think that one of the most beautiful things about long-term immersion trips like this is the ability to learn more about yourself and how you view and experience the world around you. Over the past couple weeks, I have come to realize and love this.
One thing that I have realized recently (just from looking back, which has almost no connection to the rest of this post) is that when people who know me found out I was going to study abroad in Tanzania, East Africa no one really seemed surprised by it. It seemed like it was just a natural next step for me.
I have been told several times that I am an observer but I never really understood what that meant until I got here and started to live less like a tourist and more like a newcomer to the culture (which has been the transition over the past couple weeks). I was once told, “I love how much [you] watch people. [You] are extremely observant of this world and its inhabitants.” Even looking back at my previous blog posts, I can tell that I observe things and reflect on them. For example, rather than writing about the events of the day I tend to write a quick overview of the day and then I reflect and process them. I think it is a way of viewing the world that tends to be lost on familiarity – not in a bad way, but it can be difficult to observe the world when one is constantly surrounded by things they already know well.
I have also come to notice and embrace a person’s ability to break down barriers and find solace in uncomfortable situations through the use of a simple, genuine smile. It continues to astonish me how far a smile and gleaming eye can go in building the foundation of a relationship. I have recently befriended one of the Korean men who is a long course (4 months) students here. Shortly after I arrived here, I would smile and greet him anytime I saw him and by now Cho (spelling?) and I will talk anytime we see each other. I truly think that a relationship like this (and the ones we build at the villages we visit) are blessing that we both give and receive. Cho doesn’t speak much English (or so he claims, he actually speaks and understands quite well but doesn’t have confidence in his ability) so whenever we speak it is in simple Swahili and takes a fair amount effort on both ends but I notice a light in his eyes when he sees me and we talk. I am sure that glimmer in his eyes comes from the joy of seeing a ‘friend’ but at the same time he brightens my day and he reminds me of the power of genuine kindness.
I have learned how I learn. I definitely learn by understanding the premise of things – I need to understand why things are the way they are and then I can commit them to memory. My Swahili lessons have been instrumental in teaching me this. I can grasp the semantics of the language quite quickly and, as a result, I have almost no problem understanding and remembering verb conjugations and sentence structure. Conversely, I have a hard time memorizing vocabulary. I have also learned that I am horrible at making up sentences out of thin air – one of our exercises is to make up sentences using our vocabulary words… needless to say, I am horrible (not so much because of the language aspect, but because I have a hard time creating sentences off the top of my head using one common word such as ‘meaning’).
If for some reason I didn’t notice it before, I am definitely a free spirit who will just go with the flow. While the structure (or lack thereof) of a trip like this would drive many type-A personalities up a wall, I just do my own thing until I am told to be somewhere. And when timing is not quite as punctual as it might be back in the States, while others would get frustrated and impatient, I just take it as more time to relax. When we first got here, one American woman, Jody, who was a student here would always ask me what we were going to do the next day. My response was almost always, ‘I have no idea.’ It became our joke… that I was never the person to ask about our plans. But I guess that is just who I am, I don’t need to know where we are going or when – I trust that we will get wherever we are going at some point. But at the same time, when it comes to things like my schoolwork and important events (ie Luka’s wedding) I tend to get more conscious of the timing and I sit up and pay attention to the details.
But my free spirit carries over into how I express myself and I suppose that has been a difficult transition for me to make. It sounds terribly cliché but I like to express my personality through how I look. Back in the States, if it gets warm out (like it is everyday here) I usually can be found wearing some flowing tank top with my shoulders exposed and a jean skirt or a t-shirt and gym shorts (it is a bit of a dichotomy of dress styles, I know). But here I need to be more culturally sensitive and wear shirts that aren’t too low cut and cover my shoulders and anything I wear (skirts, pants, capris, etc) need to fall below the knee. In addition to the excessive heat in the afternoons, I find myself just wanting to ‘look like I usually do.’ I have also found that my tattoos are surprising to people here – which makes sense in a more conservative culture. I have always seen my tattoos (the heart with the word ‘peace’ written in it that is on my foot and the cross with my confirmation verse that is on my shoulder blade) as physical expressions of my values (love, faith, hope, and peace – yes, I am frequently called a hippie). And I don’t think people look down on my tattoos too much, I think it is just something different.
Finally, and probably the thing I am most grateful for, I have come to realize what and who is most important to me. I have found a renewed love and passion for the implementation of social change through faith and the church. I have been reminded why I could never work behind a desk… I am too much of a people-person. I have learned who is important to me and who isn’t quite as important. I remember what it means to have a passion to make a difference and to act on that passion. I know how to identify people/things who are getting in the way of my hopes and dreams (and I know that I am slowly learning how to not let them stop me).
I guess that most people (whether they acknowledge it or not) will learn and recognize a lot of these things through experiencing life and learn them over time. I can only thank God for this trip and the fact that I have been blessed enough to learn about myself at only 20 years old. It excites me to think that there is only more to learn as I grow and continue to experience more (both here and back home).
Peace.